Heartbreaking

(Ignoriert einfach sämtliche Grammatikfehler. Es fällt mir manchmal irgendwie leichter, auf Englisch zu schreiben, da interessieren mich die Grammatikfehler nicht wirklich.)

I'm sad again. I don't know why. Everything's heartbreaking.
The way the smoker turns around to look if the pothead is coming. The way his blue eyes are glowing for a moment. The way he smokes, laughs, talks - to everyone, but me. The way the pothead walks, nods to greet me without saying a word. The moment when they leave to smoke pot. The moment I stand there alone, kinda lost. The hope I have when I try to see one of those guys - no matter who - because I know it makes me feel a bit better although it doesn't make sense.
I'm sad again. I don't know why. Everything's heartbreaking.
The way they ask me for a cigarette. The way they all stand around me, talking, laughing, seeming happy while I don't say anything, try to be a part of  something - of their group. I listen to them, watch them, try to remember every detail, just in case it'll be important one day. But no matter how hard I try to talk to them or to get accepted or something else, I fail. Sometimes, I think they've finally accepted me absolutely. When they give me their hands to greet me. When they ask what's my next lesson. When they ask me what I'm doing after school. When they call me by my name. When they look at me, just for a second. All these little things mean so much to me, it's pathetic.
I'm sad again. I don't know why. Everything's heartbreaking.
The thought that the scargirl will be back today. Even the thought that made me happy for such a long time is breaking my heart. I'm sick of having a heart which breaks so easily.